i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
