I skipped work to stalk him.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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