is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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