There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
