Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize