You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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