Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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