I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
