Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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