The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize