i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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