The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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