i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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