My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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