I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
