I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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