the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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