My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
