Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
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