i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
