Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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