so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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