Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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