the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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