Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
