my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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