did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
