This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
