My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
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He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
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It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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