It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
