I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Never joke about your clitoris.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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