sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
