Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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