Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
