I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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