I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
