margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
