Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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