That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
