Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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