Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Houston, we have a blender
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
