ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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