it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I stole a fireplace last night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
