sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
