I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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