I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
