I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
