hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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