Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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