dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
