Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
