I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
