I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
