another moral hangover. fuck.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
