Can i not drive my cunt home
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
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Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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