Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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