it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
