I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
