i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
