dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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