He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
