I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
