I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
