After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
