so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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