Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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