We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
