At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm at about main and main street
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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