You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
