I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
