I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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