people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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