Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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