I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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