hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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